The Three Little Pigs - 2010 Edition

Okay, so i'm not much of a writer but i'm going to tell you guys a little story.



Once upon a time in a far away land lived three little pigs. They were under the control of their pimp aka the big bad wolf.
The middle pig was homosexual but everyone loved him because he was fabulous.
The other two were just plain run of the mill man whores. These two would nail anything for a quick buck.

They all lived in a house together in Hillbrow.

Wolf always made them do some real freaky shit. One day he told middle piggy he has a job for him. Now you see, middle piggy was very excited about this as he never really gets a lot of work, he was so excited in fact that he jumped up and down dropping his handbag and breaking a heel. It was all too good to be true for the homosexual piggy because wolf never really cared for him. His entire world came crashing down when he found out that Wolf had arranged a date for him with a Nigerian Dwarf Goat that just moved to Hillbrow.

Middle piggy quickly ran to his brothers because he IS NOT gonna get in on with a Dwarf Goat no matter what Wolf says. They told him to do it because they need the money. Little did middle piggy know that they wanted his money because the crack house down the street has a special on cocaine this week, 50% clearance sale.

Middle piggy told Wolf he is not going to do it as he is scared and not attracted to Dwarf Goats at all so Wolf whipped out his pimp hand and hit middle piggy across the face.

Now you see, the two man ho pigs, although they were trying to use their brother for cocaine money they really loved him and didn't like when others abused him. Pig 1 and 3 then devised a plan to get rid of the Wolf. They told middle piggy to go hide, they gave him a PlayGirl magazine and sent him to the room and locked him in.

Later that afternoon Wolf came back from a meeting in Sandton. Little did he know whats waiting for him inside.

Wolf entered the house and pig one jumped him and put him in a choke hold, pig 3 then kicked him in the balls so he couldn't fight back. Eventually wolf passed out, as a safety measure they put a chloroform cloth over his mouth and nose.

Pig 1 and 3 then dumped Wolf in the back of his very own pimp wagon. They went to get middle piggy and the 3 of them set off to the woods but first they had to fill up the car as its a long drive to the Swazi Mountains.

They eventually got through the Swazi Border. Once they were in the woods they parked the pimp wagon, opened the boot and threw Wolf out. Now they did not kill wolf because they might be 2 man whores and a homosexual piggy but they are no stone faced killers. They just dropped him off, had the pimp wagon resprayed and the vin numbers taken off because you know, its Swaziland, its what they do. After that was done they all got back in, smoked a nice joint and went back to Hillbrow.

Wolf woke up with one massive headache and a bruised testicle. He was hungry and alone in the Swazi mountains and also just a little scared.

He then spotted a girl running through the woods and he chased after her. Now this girl obviously had implants because you can spot those fake puppies a mile away. She was in very good shape though. Wolf immediately thought he could pimp her out and make a shit load of money. This chicks name was Little Red Riding Hooker and she ran through the woods with her little basket of muffins and 3 packets of Lover Plus condoms because you know, safety first, no glove no love.

She eventually invited wolf for dinner. He got to her cabin in the woods, you can spot it because its the only one with a red light and XXX sing outside. Little did wolf know that Little Red Riding hooker knew some kung fu. He tried his moves on her, she kung fu kicked him breaking his neck, she ate his heart and stole his sole and that was the end of the big bad wolf.

The 3 little pigs got back to Hillbrow, their little house burnt down as middle piggy lit a smoke in the bathroom where they also had a meth lab, he forgot to put it out and the house burnt down. It was an honest mistake but they were happy because wolf was no longer there and they all lived happily ever after.

Pig 1 went on to become a very well known night club owner that would later be assassinated.

Middle Piggy started his own production company and record label. He is now rich an famous.

Pig 3 started an online gambling business and is doing very well.

Wolf, well, he is still dead.

Little Red Riding Hooker went on to become an FHM Model and Ultimate Fighting Champion.

The End.